Today, I get to go home early. Yet I have this feeling that I dun even belong to NYJC. It's like I'm completely redundant in school. Or perhaps, completely redundant in this society. I juz feel empty, like what I experienced back in YJC, but I noe this time's not as bad as the previous one. Guess I'm suffering another relapse of 'paranoism' again.

During today's GP lesson, the lecturer was talking about this GP being a subject to seek for a need to feed one's mind and blah blah crap, utterly bullshit. However, I noe deep within myself, I need to seek for something, something important, something that can cure this 'paranoism' I'm facing, but I've no idea what is this I'm seeking, nor any clue of where I can find this remedy.

I think, maybe becuz I've played too much during the 1st three months. That's y I'm feeling like this when I'm wanting to settle down for 'A' level now. I need some thrills and joy in my life. On the other hand, I'm not too sure whether thrills and joy are the only things I need.

I'm still lost in my own space. I still have no idea what course I wanna take in University. Honestly, I think me entering NYJC is already a big mistake. During economics lecture today, one econs teacher said something like "If u've no intention of getting an 'A' level cert and goin into University, U should go to Poly instead." At that instant, I asked myself, 'Do I want to get into University.' I mean, I've no idea what I want my future to be. I've no idea what course to take. I dun even think I've that eager and intention to get into University. Isn't that bad?

My point is, I'd love to get on wif life like anyone, absorbing more knowledge and skills in my progress, but what I'm goin thru now is like, taking a step at a time. I've completely no plan to my future. I juz go what I think I can go and like to go. If u were to ask me where I wanna go afterschool, my answer's always the same, "I duno."

I have no mind of my own. I'll juz blindly walk on the path that's laid in front of me, be it a dead-end or a cross-junction, I'll juz randomly choose a path and continue my journey. Oh.. I guess I found the answer thru these blabbering. Maybe this whole concept of walking blindly's the source of my mistakes, mistakes I've caused to myself, my frens and everyone I noe... mistakes that wouldn't have occur if I'm not in this world. Right... It all links now, I see it... I'm redundant in this world.