AACC4... Chinese 'AO' B3... one mark to A2... how sad can I get.. but then, wat matter's the actual Chinese 'AO' lvl next monday, so shall score in that paper then...

As for AACC4... I'm happy to receive such a result... at least it's close to my expectation of AAB... however, Why does everyone notice him but not me... I got the same result as him, AACC4, maybe his average win me.. but comparing by grades, there's no way I'll lose to him rite!? so how come even our CT think he can get the honour roll and not me!?

well.. sometimes things r goes the way it is... maybe cuz everyone sees the hardwork he put in compared to my sloppy and slack attitude, naturally everybody will think he's the best in our class, on top of that, he's realli the best in physics, even join physics olympiad.. well.. he should get it...

not saying that me dun study still can be on par wif him that kind of crap la.. but I seriously think he deserves the attention from everyone, since he realli worked so hard for it... As for me... time to study lols, but I guess... after hols lols

everyday PW... what's wrong wif the school, what's wrong wif the MOE... how can anyone tolerate 1 whole week of PW, and only PW in school from 8am to like 12pm for the whole week...

OP's juz plain stupid... too much emphasis is placed on OP... not being able to speak well doesnt mean he/she is not able to perform well for his/her work... if the result's been pulled down juz cuz someone is not able to do well in OP, that's unfair judgement... but well, I guess my group should be able to do well lols, juz trying to make a fuss out of it...

I'm juz sick of PW... but it'll not end this year... more projects coming in Uni... guess I'll juz have to get used to it =.=

Alrite, all my raw results' back... Should I be happy? Should I be glad? I scored what I needed, but not what I wanted... Ya I noe I'll be promoted.. everythign should be happy bout it, Me too, but it's the problem of whether I should continue wif my 4 subjects or juz excel in 3...

My results' not bad... or honestly... it's very good in my class actually.. I dun dare tell anyone, cuz all my classmates r juz aiming for a promotion, whereas I don't.. I aim to retain all 4 subjects as good as possible...You may say I'm selfish, or greedy, but I'm using this promos to gauge whether 3 or 4 subjects is ideal for me...

My results look surprising but yet unsurprising to me... first, I missed my A for computing... secondly... I couldnt even get C for Econs, but then I knew I wont be able to get it ever since I'n done wif paper 3 weeks ago... so it's not that surprising... 3rd, I actually get A for maths... from AO pass to A... i calculated.. 92% improvement... surprising?? It is but honestly... I find promos so much easier than mid-yr, that accounts for my tremendous improvement. Lastly, I still could get D for physics... stunning and understandable... So, should I be surprised at a A,B,D,D result, or should I be happy bout it?

Look, I cant take it that I got D for both physics and Econs... I should have done well for Econs... therefore i'm in a dilemma.. whether I should drop either one of them... juz to work harder for the other 3... but then... What if I'm able to cope with all 4, since I'm realli not prepared to drop any...

I guess I need more time to think bout this...

Edit: Had a tok wif my Econs teacher... she thinks I should juz hang on to my 4 subjects first too too... Maybe I should.. see how I go for 1st three months next yr...

在此，我只想把我的思想说给大家听，想让大家知道我有时究竟在想些什么，是怎么想的。只希望大家能多了解我……


























我痛恨人类。





















人类口口声声说什么，为了生存，就得把周围的环境改成适合的生活环境。虽是用嘴说，但我们依然是由尽力改变环境，让人类活得更舒适。可是，战争、争执、恐怖主义，这些是适合的生活环境吗？我每天在报纸上看到的，不是杀，就是劫，要不然就是争。告诉我，这就是人类所要的生活环境吗？可恨……难道不可恨吗……最终，人类残害大自然，就是为了互相残杀、斗个你死我活，有何意义啊！！最后谁胜了？你吗？我吗？赢的人？大自然？没有！谁都没胜！战争又有何意义了！人类都不相信自己了，哪里来的战争后的和平，哪里来得国泰民安啊！人类表面上以制造更舒适的生活环境为借口，来掩饰人类想拥有权力与实力的事实。每个国家一直比拼科技等等，还不是想证明自己的国家比其他国家更胜一筹。

其实，所有的错误，所有的一切事故都是由人类造成的。我们都被灌输“舍己救人”的道理，但这被强迫学习的美德，会比人类本身具有的意念还容易展现吗？我们都知道“人不为己，天诛地灭”，人类一生下就具有这意念了，有谁真能把它从心里深处删去。人类还不是为了自己的利益而活。为爱情牺牲，还不是为了得到对方的爱，还不是为了守护这爱情，一样是私念。为国捐躯，想保护自己的国家，不也是私念。牺牲本身，就是私念。就因为想要守护一样东西人类才会牺牲，那不是私念是什么。人……逃避不了自私自利的念头。

我知道世上有许多因素，造成人类做出极端的事情来，但到头来，还不是为了自己。国家之间的战争，不就是想压倒对方，以示自己多厉害。恐怖分子的举动，不就是为了争取自己所不拥有的自由吗。最后，还不是为了自己……

好坏、对错、正邪之分，也是人规定的。人类都这么不可靠了，所设的规律，还会可靠到什么地步。告诉我，什么是好，多少算好，为了孝心，出卖朋友，算好吗？为了爱情，放弃友情，是好吗？为了人类的生命与生活，残害大自然，这又对了吗！？自卫，而因此误杀他人，这就不是坏了！？人还不是自私的！为保护自己而伤害他人或他物，人类凭什么理直气壮的说是为了自卫！！说什么孝心……地球、大自然栽培了人类这么多年，有如母亲，罩着我们。但你看人类现在在做什么……人类哪有孝心了！就凭这点，人类本身就是坏的！何来的好坏之分！

总结：我能不痛恨人类吗？有时我真的在想，人类当初为何会活在这世上。人类本身就已活在痛苦中，为何还要让大自然遭受同样的命运呢。既然人类生存在这世上，就定有它的意思。但人类不只没看透这道理，还互相残杀起来……我好想为这大自然，为地球做点事，但始终力不从心，我能如何……

人类的满口胡言，全都是掩饰。人类始终不能逃避……“人不为己，天诛地灭”……

I've always tried to avoid loneliness... simply toking to frens, playing games, blogging, listen to music etc etc... Cuz I fear this weird feeling I experience when I'm alone... Not matter how hard I tried to avoid... I still face it again..

It's a kind of feeling that make me lose myself. I feel empty. It's a terrible feeling I've no idea how to describe... So I'm.. as usual, making use of blogging to focus on this blog and to get rid of that feeling... Frankly.. I nearly broke down to tears when I felt that... Scary heh... hahas... I juz couldnt control myself.. all sort of thoughts came into my mind... everything's in a turmoil to me... Juz couldnt handle everything... fear of the unknown... Juz cant help it...

I duno how to end this blog err... but definitely I felt better after I wrote this... Or else most probably I would have gone whacking my fists at the wall for a couple of mins... Sometimes I feel I can juz go to a deserted grassland or facing the big ocean and shout my lungs out. It must be a great feeling isnt it...

I cant believe myself... She sees me.. She recognised me... She gives me the hope I need... The chance for me to do something for someone... The hope I can hold for myself... The determination to do well for me and her sake... but I ruined it.. I ruined this chance... I've lost myself... Lost my confidence... Drained of my determination... robbed of my only hope... All me... All becuz of me~

You noe how depressing and miserable it is to fail someone when he/she has high hopes on u? She believes in me. She let me noe that I can do well in my econs. By right I should do my best, show her my best, that I can do it, that I deserve her recognition. I should let her feel proud of me... that she has such a student, one she will never forget... And wat happens in the end? I cant even do well enough to get a pass for econs paper 3...

I've let her down b4... 8/25... U dun expect such a mark from someone who noes so much more than others do u... I've proven to noe my econs... I've shown and proven that... all I lack's juz the phrasing and answering of question... I tried my best, I did my best, I changed for the best. I cant let her feel disappointed again...

I had a session wif her last tue, 1h solo session wif her to go thru everything i need to clarify. And in the end, nearly 50min was on price discrimination, the intense understanding and comprehension of PD, the many perspectives to look at it and the many assumptions that can be made.. she showed me, she showed me how econs can be done wif so many ways, so many perspectives, so many viewpoints... I thought I understand... I thought I noe... I thought I can do it... and wat? promo's 3rd's entirely on wat we've went thru for 50min... and wat i did? an entire hour juz to finish it..

It's more than juz an hour... not only did I take another 15 more min... I wasnt even sure wat i wrote was correct! I felt so guilty! Why... I thought it was so clear already after I had tha discussion wif her... How can I still end up like this... I cant even guarantee 18/25 for it when wat we've went thru is 90% the same as wat came up for promo...

I've felt her disappointment b4... the way she look at me.. that concern, that care... I never wanted to see that again... but I made the same mistake again... I dun wan her to look at me in that manner again... Wat I wanna see's her smile, her reassurance on me... I cant even do well enough to deserve her recognition and concern... What can I do... I've let myself down.. I've let her down... I dun wanna fail anyone... the minute anyone place his/her hope on me... I have the responsibility... and I bear it till the end I tell myself... but such a minor task I cant fulfil for her... this..

How else can I let ppl to recognise me when wat I reciprocate is juz failures and junks and trash... That's the reason why... why I dun wan to bear too much responsibility... as one who decides... as one who finalise... as a leader... Cuz i noe... I dun have the confidence to hold that responsibility till the end.. even if I do... the results are always so undesirable... What should I do...

I like solitude... but hate loneliness...
I like quietness... but enjoys listening to music...
I treasure life... but hate living one...
I have questions... but I'm afraid to know the answers...
I wanna be understood... but even I dun understand myself...
Do I hate myself... or do I hate myself...
Is this the end... or my end...


I do have this question... Can someone answer this for me..
Does one have to be recognised before he can be meaningful, or does one have to be meaningful in order to be recognised?? Which is the cause, which is the effect??