最近我變得有點兒憂鬱，有點兒心煩。不知是因爲考試漸漸逼近，還是能上學校的日子慢慢接近尾聲的關係。

這A水准考試，確實給予我太多的壓力。當年O水准考試也沒那能耐，讓我在2個多月前就讓我這麽心煩的。想必，是我太懶散的後果，也只能説是我咎由自取了。考試一天一天的逼近，我一很認真地在念書，可我始終覺得缺了些什麽。也許是自信，也或許是心理準備，但我知道，是也罷，不是也罷，反正，一時間我也無法找到自信，也難以等到心理有準備的時候了。我也只能感謝我父母，給予我這一顆腦袋，讓我能讀到現在。我也會盡我所能，考上大學的。

再來，就是學校日子的事了。我相信，我憂鬱的原因，多半是因這而起的。真可笑，心煩考試要到，憂傷能上學的日子要結束了。照常理說，世間哪還有人會因校日要結束了而感到憂悶的。我偏就是個例外。我很慚愧，在此說了，我在這一年半載裏，在初級學院的日子裏，可不必我在公教與前3個月的日子快活些，但我很欣慰，我在這段時間内，學到了許多，也得到了許多。誰說有得必有失的，我得了那麽都的快樂，歡笑，志同道合的朋友和其他許多許多，雖包括悲傷，憂鬱，多愁善感與其他不良好的情感外，但我畢竟是到的了，而不是失去了。

以前在公教，我以爲我擁有一切。有最棒的哥兒們，最痛快的日子，成天嘻嘻哈哈的，與哥兒們完全沒隔夜仇，已認爲人生就是如此。可一踏出那安詳的校區后，我真開了眼界。前3個月給我的歡笑，可不輸于公教時的快樂。那所認識的朋友也不比公教來的差，甚至，還有更談得來的。可撇開這些快樂事不說，初院的煩惱，也真的好多。我從沒想過，男女之間，會基於人如此大的改變。好朋友，能為了一個女子懷了友誼，快樂的心會為了情而不再發自内心地笑。以前過建立的關係，在接觸異性的一霎那給打垮。我承認，有了異性后就有如彩色般點亮我的世界，可五顔六色的，通常都是帶有毒的。給了我新的天地，卻也令我嘗試悲痛的滋味，天可真會愚人。

可也算是我命已該此，我也當然不會埋怨。我只是心煩，時間爲何過的那麽快，考試即將來臨，從學校畢業也即將到來，而救在這時候我卻發起牢騷來，我真覺得窩囊。問世間情為何物，這問題真應該問。也許我要找尋的答案，就常在裏面。托得越久，我的憂悶與憂傷可會變得越難以自拔。

就快畢業了……只剩2個月的時間了。我應該儘早忘了算了……

Wah... wat period of the year of the century of the millenium izit now ah... I juz see romance here and there revolving around me, wat makes it worse is when I'm not involved in it. >.<

Recently I'm watching Return of the Condor Heroes(the newest one), the Xiao Long Nu's so chio but the Yang Guo juz CMI lor.. but anyway, though the show's not that good due to the excessive use of animation and computer effects, the affectionate gaze both actors had between each other greatly touched me... U can realli juz sense the love they have for each other, even though it's juz a show... Bahx, maybe I'm juz mesmorised by the female actoress la, she so chio~ my Yi Fei~ hahas... =X

And yeah, show's one thing, then I have this female classmate, K, who recently noe a guy, R, 1 year older, in a game, and from wat she said, he's a desperate guy looking for someone to love haha... So anyway, he pestered her till she agreed to meet up wif him la, and somehow or another (cuz I duno wat went on lols), my another classmate, Z, who has himself a DotA clan, also accepted that guy's challenge in a DotA match, so that K can get to see him while him and Z are DotAing. And I sillyly(got such word?) went along too wif another fren, A, lols. I never like meeting wif someone who I noe online cuz I noe once 2 persons met, there's bound to be awkwardness, and relationships 90% will become worse. So when they met, K and R didnt tok much la... and K was like running and avoiding and hiding from R... hahas... I mean, U agreed to meet, now U acted like u're running from a bandit, if u were R, u'll like it meh? hais... Poor R. honestly I dun realli like R la... but I juz feel a little sorry for him lols. In the end my frens A and Z went DotAing, leaving me and K together, cuz they challenging R. so K was telling me how afraid she is. I duno wat to do... I realli dun... I'm not good wif such things, asking me is like asking a wooden log la... What more can I advise her rite...? Anyway, I sent her home a while later cuz it's quite late and she wanna go home...

Well.. that's the 2nd romance. Then there's this fren, L's blog that I juz recently noe... As I was bored... I went to see the past entries... there's entries that I dun understand wat L was saying, but it was apparent that it's bout some relationship thing la... and L was goin "If you noe it wont last, why bother to continue and even start in the beginning" somewhere along that margin la... I was already like... blahx.. another romance again... But of cuz I cant comment on this since I totally duno wat's goin on there... but wat I wanna point out is... why is romance goin on all around me during this important period of the year >.<

Worse was during the CT tutorial.... our CT tutor actually discussed about the topic "Jealousy" =.= Of so many CT tutorials we have every week and every month, we actually had to discuss bout this topic at this period of time.... wah.. wat "good" timing ah... >.< and was goin wat... Jealousy out of love... kaos... I totally give the =.= face in the tutorial lor... hais...

I think I blabber too much... I actually only wanted to say 2 things... First one's done, second one was... Juz curious to noe... If u noe u wont last wif this someone u have in mind or wif u currently, would you continue this crush or relationship? Franking speaking... I think I will... not becuz I'm stubborn or trying to be faithful... but it's that I simply cant give up... So what it doesnt last... I dun regret not giving it up, nor will I regret holding on to wat I believe and love, even if it's foolish...

問世間情為何物，直叫人生死相許。

It's been truly a while already... awhile since I have a clear idea of what I need, a while since I have a clear mind, a while since I truly have noe what I'm doin... already I still duno wat I'm doin... but hack it...

Why I say I'm clear now... it's cuz it's reali been a while le.. that I've been trying to let it pass and be bygones... For I noe A lvls is near... and that implies 2 things: I need to start studying... and there's less time for me to think bout those things that will ever get to happen at all... ever... rather than dreaming, might as well fulfil my more relative realistical dream of getting all As for A lvl... Somethings.. one juz have to sacrifice isnt it... For the good of both parties...

And all the best for all of you out there... I sincerely pray hard that u guys work hard and do extremely well for ur A lvls or end of year exams k~

It's cuz I love... So I noe when to let it go...
It's cuz I love... So I noe wat's best to give...
It's cuz I love... So I let you go.... And set me free...