I wrote this only today cuz I realli didnt have the time nor strength to write... Now that I have the time, I guess I better tok bout it... This camp brings me many things, confusion and apprehension, teamwork and solo responsibility, boredom and excitement, and many contradicting craps I'm lazy to point out now... I'll only tok bout the first day now.. cuz it's quite a long story.. bout how I suffered some mental disorder and how I refused to do something...

On the first day, it's mainly juz crapping and preaching, tok about what everything that happens are our own responsibility. The moment someone says it's someone else's fault, we have to point our finger at him or her and "oh ho...". Lame rite... Basically this camp's about making choices and believe in trust la... First day after the the preaching, we had an activity to do, which is to stand on the table and hollow out our goals to our classmates. May sound easy, but it's to be done in the hall... ya, our camp's in the hall... and the audience will be acting according to wat our facilitators tell us to act as to see how determined is the speaker in achieving his or her goals. Get the point?

Anyway, I didnt go. Not that I missed the chance to do so, but I made a choice not to. U all may say that I'm a coward la, dun dare go up, well... a little actually, stage fright... but honestly, I'm not ready to tell everyone my ultimate goal in life... Our facilitator told us that those who didnt say their goals r mainly either they duno wat to expect from their goals or they're afraid to succeed in their goals. However, I dun think this way, instead, I long to succeed, long to accomplish my goal, but i dare not say my goals to another, cuz I'm afraid I'll be restrain to juz accomplishing my goals when perhaps I could have done much more and better... I'm afraid if I declare my goals, I'll only juz push towards those goals, not beyong it... Till now, I never told anyone my ultimate goals, only those superficial goals like 'A' lvl pass and graduate from university, that's all. The furthest goal I told is to my best buddy, Shawn. Now I'm telling all of u out there... to design the best MMORPG game. Still, this is not the ultimate goal in life, I wont say for now... not now... yet...

I keep thinking bout whether what I did, keeping my goal to myself, is a correct choice, cuz in this way, I cant get the support of my frens, and I seem a little selfish in this way... But I noe, One day, I'll have the chance to tell my frens, one day they'll understand wat I have in mind...

Actually, after the whole activity, we had sharing session, that was the time when I keep having these thoughts in my mind. After the sharing session, the main speaker had a volunteer to tok to everyone in the hall about how he or she feels. At that point of time, I wanted to go out and tok bout my thoughts. I juz wanted to pour out everything about the goals I've kept in me.. Fortunately or sadly, I didnt volunteer. Or else if I told everyone about my goals, I'll be contradicting myself, about wat restraining myself to my goals, yet still goin up there to declare my goals to everyone when I didnt do so in front of my frens... Blahx.. My English too weak, hope u all understand wat I'm trying to say...

Anyway, there was more to how I felt at that time, there's more than juz struggling to contain my goals within me... I juz cannot explain all at once... Feelings are something that's so difficult to express in terms of words. How I wish I can share but, it's beyond my language capability...

Your Birthdate: May 26

Your birth on the 26th day of the month (8 energy) modifies your life by increasing your capability to function and succeed in the business world. In this environment you have the skills to work very well with others thanks to the 2 and 6 energies combining in this date. There is a marked increase in organizational, managerial, and administrative abilities. You are efficient and handle money very well. You're ambitious and energetic, while generally remaining cooperative and adaptable. You are conscientious and not afraid of responsibility. Generally sociable and diplomatic, you tend to use persuasion rather than force. You have a wonderful combination of being good at both the broad strokes and the fine detail; good at starting and continuing. This birthday is practical and realistic, often seeking material satisfaction.

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The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Haha... This day has finally arrived ya~ Happy Birthday Miaow~ Well, It's not that necessary to write a whole entry juz to say happy birthday to u la, but I have nothin else to say hahas...

I can oso make use of this time to announce that my birthday's coming in 2 days time~ Bad day though... Stupid I&E camp in school for whole 8 hours in the hall... Gonna bore me to death on my birthday... But at least I dun need to go back school on my birthday eve hahas~

Before Edit: Oh ya, I wanna noe how's the present I gave u?? Ugly?? I think it's rather ok to put it for decoration and looking at it from far la..

After Edit: Juz realised u posted a msg bout my present after I publish this entry lols... Cute is cute la.. but looks eerie when viewed in a dark room or at close range, and if u see clearly, one of its whisker's like crooked hahas... but well... realli hope u like it.. takes me one whole day to find it... was so worried I couldnt have a black cat for u till I realli need to do last resort hahas...

Today in my 90min GP tutorial, We came to a point of discussion on the different levels of education systems in different parts of the world, and the difference between the past and the present. Then cuz definitely we'll talk about Singapore, and our tutor stressed how lucky we are to be in Singapore and enjoying such good standard of living compared to the past, which led me to think: Why am I in Singapore?

We know that the world is big, izit nearly 5bil population already? At least 4bil I know, but why am I here in this tiny island?? I mean, look at the whole population of human beings, I'm actually the 0.001% of the whole population that contributes to Singapore, is that lucky or unfortunate? Is this all predestined? Why aren't I located in another country? Has anyone thought about why we are found in the location we are now??

It's hard to put it down to words. If u all dun understand wat i'm trying to say here, then forget it, dun bother to read and think about this entry, will make u more frustrated over wat i'm trying to say...

I'm a free thinker, so I wont realli believe that it's the work of God that I'm here in Singapore and not somewhere else, but there must be a reason for everything. Not just my existence, but also my existence here. Perhaps some choose to set the search for this reason as their life in goal, but I rather let the reason find me, then to go hunt around for something which may never be achievable.

It's Life that gets me thinking... about the world, the revolution, the beliefs, the causes and effects, the way humans behave, the way things work, why this and not that, how izit possible, and many other issues, especially me myself. Interesting I find about Life... It creates, grows, changes and destroys. Motive? As unpredictable as the path Life sets for each individual. Life... mysterious... unforseen... unknown... yet interesting...

‘生在福中不知福'的道理我懂，但不曾学习过哈哈。这句话都说了:生在福中不知福，我怎可能体会的到这道理呢？所有人也是这样，只有当你失去时才会珍惜……而当你失去后，你会宁愿你从没拥有过，会说“早知今日，何必当初”。

人生就是这样，它会给你许多好与坏的状况或突变，让你一时措手不及，但“是福不是祸，是祸躲不过”。懂这意思的人多数都会接受事实，但请问人类，我们能做得到我们所说的话吗？就说人类吧。如果有人得罪了你，而他是有意的，你会用慈悲之心去饶恕他，并感化他吗？我们真能做得到吗？

我忘了是谁的伦理，但这叫“相比论”，凡是有光的地方，就一定有黑暗。同样的，凡是有君子的地方，就一定有小人。我们口口声声说要做君子，但有没有仔细去看自己的所作所为，其实根本不算是君子。只要心存私心，贪念，色念，任何恶念，就不是君子了。

人类不是完美的，能真正做到心无恶念，你早就是圣人了！也就是说，人类根本就是在自我催眠，什么放下屠刀，立体成佛，什么改过自新，改邪归正，一开始我们就从来不是属于正或邪的，哪能改邪归正呢？再说，正究竟是什么？什么才叫邪呢？如果说杀人就是邪恶的，那盼凶手死刑不是杀人吗？不算邪恶吗？如果帮助人民就是正，那帮人做坏事就是正吗？其实我曾想过，是谁分辨正邪，好坏，是谁规定什么是对，什么是错的？神吗？有证据吗？这还不是人类一手编出来的……

想一想吧，我们人类做了多少伤天害理，冷酷无情的事，破坏大自然，杀畜牲养活自己，以致花草树木枯萎，动物接近灭亡危机，这些不够残忍吗？做了这么多，却在那宣言：“我们要分辨正与邪，做堂堂正正的君子"之类的废话，能听信，办得到吗？

人类根本就是小人，是伪君子，这是不能改变的事实。难道真要等到世上一根草，一个动物到不存在时才看清这事实吗？我以上所说的那里不对了请指点，不然，请大家认清这一点，我们人类是祸的根源，是我们正在清亲手毁了这世界。

打从一开始，人类就不该生存在这世上。是福不是祸，是祸躲不过，早知今日，何必当初啊……

我是读了小猫咪，思敏，的blog后才会想到这来写的。其实，这也应该算是写给思敏看的吧……
你说，舞蹈已是你的一部分，但你害怕往舞蹈方向发展的话可能没前途，或无法养活自己，所以你现在很矛盾是吧？

我也好不到哪去。今年进入初级学院之前我想过很多次，我，一个什么样才能都没有，只有三分钟热度的人，该超哪个方向发展。虽然我对华文流行音乐有兴趣，但毕竟我没这能力对音乐做出什么贡献。我也对History and Mythology有着甚大的兴趣，但以这方向发展似乎不大可能吧……所以我最终选择了电脑科技这条路走下去。但我很怕，怕我做错决定。怕我又三分钟热度放弃这条路，那到时候，我能回头吗？

我昨晚在想看怎么能描述我现在的状况。我呢，现在就像是走在一条十分陡峭的路，周围起着很大的雾，而身后被只饿狼追着。这狼就是时间，一直逼我前进，但路太陡峭了，雾这么大，路的尽头也不知是什么。万一走错一步，就会跌入万丈深崖，别说别人，就连我自己也不知会死吗……不走或走太慢会被狼追上，不小心的话会消失在黑暗中，而前进又不知前面会有什么东西，叫我如何是好……

我描述的也算好了，可别忘了，我只说明一条路。如果人生是条陡峭，却简单的路，我也认了，直走下去，毕竟大家的结局都一样。但人生未知的未来是带给每一个人不同的路程与结局，是这不能预料的人生带给所有人的路上变化莫测的突变，导致一些人被这转变误入歧途，或掉进深崖里的。而我，就是在一条分岔成很多条方向的路上徘徊着，在饿狼随时会找到我的压力下立即选择一条自己认为安全又有保障，却又不知是否安全和尽头有什么的路走下去。那种压力，可怕与犹豫不是每个人都能体会的，尤其是那些生出来就有条安详又简单的路可以走，或是那些不用走，搭直升机就能抵达终点的人，他们是不会理解我的痛苦的……

我可不想被时间给抛弃，也不想跌入深崖成为行尸走肉。事在人为，我得坚决的选出一条我喜欢，又能让我开心得路，以所谓船到桥头自然直的心态走下去。

至今，我选的这条路我没后悔过，但我不能保证未来也不会后悔。但我只知道，开心最重要，如果我以后真的后悔的话，至少我还能保有这快乐的回忆过我失败的生活。可能到时候，就是这回忆让你有信心与动力从头开始，再走上人生的路程，追寻另一个未来……


P.S.我这最后一段好像是在安慰我自己……>.< 但我看来在现实生活中，我应该不是这么想的吧……开心与幸福对我来说是最重要得，但这什么回忆与追寻另一个未来是我瞎掰的哈哈镜……看来我又在自欺欺人，自我催眠了,咳咳……

Hahaz.. finally got hold of F.I.R.'s new album Wu Xian... Waited quite long to buy lorz... cuz broke mah. T.T Now worse, Have to save again to buy Jolin's J-Game... Argh!!! Why they come out around the same time.. like that before I can learn and memorise all F.I.R.'s songs, I'll have to change and memorise Jolin's liao... bleahx~

Actually ah, after listening to everying songs in the album, I still think their first album's the best... why? cuz most of the new songs here are actually duplicates of the old one lorz... take the new song "Ba Ai Fang Kai", it sounds like "Wo Men De Ai" lorz... cuz the lyrics got one part keeps singing "wo men de ai~ wo men de ai~" it's like can straight away link to the latter song liao hahaz... well, maybe becuz they realise the song sounds too much like "Wo Men De Ai" le, that's y they try their best to change the chorus part... ended up the song not that nice for the chorus...

They're many songs that sound similar to their previous album's songs larz, "Ba Ai Fang Kai" is only 1 of them... got one "Ai De Li Liang" has similar tempo and feeling like "Ni De Wei Xiao", next "Neverland" has similar tempo and feeling oso like "Guang Mang", then "Yin Xu Zhi Di" sounds like "Liu Lang Zhe Zhi Ge"... In conclusion, it's realli like the continuation of all their previous album's songs like how they try to continue the story they're protraying in their music larz.. if u all noe wat i'm trying to say here hahaz...

Overall, I dun realli noe whether should recommend this album to u guys, but one thing for sure, the first 3 songs are very nice, "Wu Xian", "Qian Nian Zhi Lian" and "Love Love Love".
Whoa! Now current chinese pop music for 3 songs wif the name "Love Love Love" le... One from Wang Li Hong(My favourite artist!! and his version of "Love Love Love" is my favourite too!!), another one's from Jolin... Cool~ Is that song title so popular?? ?_?