曾经，有个男生，在拿到他的'O'水准成绩后，考进了一所不是很好，也不算太差的高中，继续念下去。他，一直无法决定将来想做什么，有什么梦想，只要有路，他就自然而然地走下去。他，也不曾为自己想过，大学，是他应该去的地方吗，是他应该走的路吗。他只是一味地为书卖命，被命运牵着鼻子走。即使到了应该面对，应该做出决定的时候，他还是希望有人能指导他，或帮助他。

他曾想过，高中是不是对的选择。他可以选择去科技学院的，可能那里能给他更…适合的环境吧…… 他这个人不太爱说话，喜欢独自一个人，做喜欢做的事，经常陷入沉思的状况，想着很多希奇古怪、匪夷所思、没有逻辑、或很具思考能力的问题。但是，他不了解自己。不了解为何自己这么爱思考。不了解为何一个人时希望有人陪他，有人在身旁时却不说话，静静地观察周围，搞得气氛很僵。不了解，为何不了解自己。他很羡慕那些人生中已有目标、有梦想的人，至少他们已有向前奋斗的动力，向一片光明前进。可他呢？只看到前面只有一条不知通往那里的路。也因为他不擅长表达自己，所以他不曾让人知道他心里到底怎么想的。不知道他的人，看到他在那坐着什么都不做，也不做声，以为他懒惰，或是个怪人，但其实，每当他一陷入这状态时，其实他是在很认真地在思考他人生的一切：未来，目标，爱情，自己的举止，他人的行为等等……不曾停过，也不想停止。

10年在男校读书，更恶化他这样的自闭行为。日子久了，他越想独自发呆，没人在身旁是就一直缠着朋友，跟东跟西的，但又默默无语，一句话也不吭。只有朋友偶尔说了一个笑话，他才很配合地笑了几声。他在这新的念书环境里就是以这样的方式度过的……

其实，比起现在这新的环境里，他还是比较喜欢前3个月在另一所高中时的日子。虽然一样的新的环境，新的人生，可是在那，无忧无虑，能和朋友有说有笑的，大家也很热心对待彼此。那时的他，可比现在开朗多了，也和朋友比较多互动。但时间是不会倒退的，他知道，何况他的未来已让他烦得头发都变白了，哪来的力气思念过去呢……

新的开始，新的人生，以为自己会找得到自己，但每一年，却越来越迷失自己……

他很勇敢地承认，他变了很多，便得自己也怀疑现在的自己是不是才是真实的他，自己一直怀疑，这样大的改变，他的朋友还会认得他吗。他也很勇敢的承认，不排除使自己会有这么大的改变的缘故是因为女生出现在他人生的可能性。自从进了高中后，有了女生的出现后，他就变了许多，甚至变得有见色忘友的特质。以前，他也算是个很自私的人，朋友向他借笔记，借功课，他都推三阻四的，可他对女生可不同。许多人说，那是因为双子座的人比较会乐于帮助异性，可不知是不是真的。他只是不希望看到女生伤心，或讨厌他罢了，不像他所认识的男性朋友，他知道他这些朋友，就算得罪了他们，隔天依然还是好朋友。可是女生，他从没见识过，不知女孩心是怎么想的，所以他宁可死命尽力帮助她们，也不愿冒这个险去伤害她们。

可惜，天意依然捉弄人，他有还是会不小心伤害了人家。他心内疚，可也不知怎么做。他本身已不太会说话，面对她们，不结巴已是奇迹的。有时想想，他这样的行为，也颇像女生的。不果断，扭扭捏捏，没勇气，推三阻四，哪像男生了……

尽管如此，他…依然等待着，等待一个~能解答他心里许许多多问题的~贵人。直到那人的到来，他还是会三不五时，不小心地陷入沉思状态，不知是在寻找答案，还是等待着某人的出现~

Here's wat I wanna say to someone:

I duno wat's goin on between the two of us... If it's realli that helpless that we have nothing more to say to each other than to juz stand side by side and wait for our destinations, then fine, there's nothing else U or I can do. But if it's a deliberate act, I dun wanna be kept in the dark.

I'm insensitive I noe that, and I'm that kind of "I'll never noe whether U noe bout it unless I'm told" sort of person, but u being wif our frens that noe bout it, I'm not surprised at all. It doesnt matter whether u acknowledge that or not, I'm totally confused bout how u're treating our frenship. At one time u'll spare ur precious time toking to me, at another u wont even bother to take a look at me when I have something to ask u. As much as I wanna noe how u see things between the u and me, but if u keep giving me such extreme... attitude or whatever, I'll never f**king noe ur thoughts! It's torturous for me.

I noe I'm wrong, some way or another, oh crap forget it...

Seriously I duno how u think of me, but what I wanna say is, rest assured there's nothing more between u and me than juz classmates and frens. If that's why u're being cold to me at times, then I can tell u I'm over. I realli juz wanna get the best A lvl cert I can get ever. SO If u realli think I wanna go beyond that line, then I apologise for getting u mistaken.

But pls... sorting things out... clarifications... not happy wif me... or whatever... pls tell me verbally and not physically, I dun wan things to turn out as awkward as now or worse in future!

ok.. simple, I'm juz too busy doing all the tutorials and homeworks I have rite at the start of school reopens... Juz first week alone I have to rush my tutorials till Midnight, which is something I've never done in my whole life... I dun even do my homework at home b4 I stepped into JC... see how stressful and hardcore JC life is? hahas... oh I'm not done yet... did my tutorials till Midnight, but I havnt even touch on my Math Differentiation tutorials yet... 3 tutorials... luckily only have to be handed in next week, Or I realli dun have to slp...

To worsen the whole "no time for rest" thing, Still have to go for flag day today, juz came back, tired and exhausted... but a nice experience though, never done flags b4, cat high's too cool to do such a thing hahas... but it's juz so unfair, all the gals juz have to stand there and smile sweetly and they'll get tons of coins down that donation bag of theirs... guys like us beg 10 ppl and we only get a person to donate us for a pitiful... 1 dollar?? K la... I'm not that bad la... At least I dun have to approach them and they'll juz donate to me, but I hear from my fren... he begged 10 persons and only one managed to donate 1 dollar to him... poor thing... and the other couldnt even get anyone to donate at all.. hais... now I noe how tough it is to do such a thing... Remind me to donate whenever someone approaches me for donation~

Oh... then back to my homework... Honestly... though there's tons and tons and tons of tutorials, I actually like the feeling of doin tutorials under tremendous stress and pressure of having to hand it in the next day or day after... Duno why... I'll only seriously do my work under that condition, maybe that's the only moltivation I can think of?? but whatever, as long as I do my work it's good enough... not crappy answers k~ I still do my best to answer everything de...

As for me myself... Things go kinda bad and confusing now... No idea what I'm thinking at all... duno... juz lost for words, it's like, choosing the path that seems easier and higher chance of success than choosing one that I realli want to take... U noe sometimes when U cant make a decision or couldnt make one, U'll feel like taking the easier path or something... I duno la... I'm juz afraid of taking that easier path... Nvm, juz lost for words, I juz have to understand myself, no one bothers anyway hehe... Let me juz ponder further... though been pondering for... nearly haf a year? hahas... whatever...