I cant believe myself... She sees me.. She recognised me... She gives me the hope I need... The chance for me to do something for someone... The hope I can hold for myself... The determination to do well for me and her sake... but I ruined it.. I ruined this chance... I've lost myself... Lost my confidence... Drained of my determination... robbed of my only hope... All me... All becuz of me~

You noe how depressing and miserable it is to fail someone when he/she has high hopes on u? She believes in me. She let me noe that I can do well in my econs. By right I should do my best, show her my best, that I can do it, that I deserve her recognition. I should let her feel proud of me... that she has such a student, one she will never forget... And wat happens in the end? I cant even do well enough to get a pass for econs paper 3...

I've let her down b4... 8/25... U dun expect such a mark from someone who noes so much more than others do u... I've proven to noe my econs... I've shown and proven that... all I lack's juz the phrasing and answering of question... I tried my best, I did my best, I changed for the best. I cant let her feel disappointed again...

I had a session wif her last tue, 1h solo session wif her to go thru everything i need to clarify. And in the end, nearly 50min was on price discrimination, the intense understanding and comprehension of PD, the many perspectives to look at it and the many assumptions that can be made.. she showed me, she showed me how econs can be done wif so many ways, so many perspectives, so many viewpoints... I thought I understand... I thought I noe... I thought I can do it... and wat? promo's 3rd's entirely on wat we've went thru for 50min... and wat i did? an entire hour juz to finish it..

It's more than juz an hour... not only did I take another 15 more min... I wasnt even sure wat i wrote was correct! I felt so guilty! Why... I thought it was so clear already after I had tha discussion wif her... How can I still end up like this... I cant even guarantee 18/25 for it when wat we've went thru is 90% the same as wat came up for promo...

I've felt her disappointment b4... the way she look at me.. that concern, that care... I never wanted to see that again... but I made the same mistake again... I dun wan her to look at me in that manner again... Wat I wanna see's her smile, her reassurance on me... I cant even do well enough to deserve her recognition and concern... What can I do... I've let myself down.. I've let her down... I dun wanna fail anyone... the minute anyone place his/her hope on me... I have the responsibility... and I bear it till the end I tell myself... but such a minor task I cant fulfil for her... this..

How else can I let ppl to recognise me when wat I reciprocate is juz failures and junks and trash... That's the reason why... why I dun wan to bear too much responsibility... as one who decides... as one who finalise... as a leader... Cuz i noe... I dun have the confidence to hold that responsibility till the end.. even if I do... the results are always so undesirable... What should I do...