Once again I feel lonely. It's like suddenly all my frens aren't around, aren't there for me. What happens to the wonderful times we had together. Were those juz an act for good memories? I treasured the friendships we had so deeply. I may seem ignorant and detached when we were together, but does anyone notice, i'm always there wherever u guys go? I could juz leave, anytime on my own, but no, I want, and I need someone there for me. Even if it's going to be juz 2 persons having to sit somewhere and not talk for an hour, I'm thankful and grateful already.

I've always tried to be there for them. To help them, to communicate wif them, and have fun wif them, but at many times, I'm juz lost for words. I'm more of a listener and a talker when in a group. But do u guys acknowledge that? I hope u all do... I would love to be as charismatic as some of u do, but a person has his own limits, and I noe my limits in this area...

But wat do I get for my loyalty and faith in them? What do I get for working so hard to be wif them? So much for the effort I put in to get close to them. I juz feel so isolated and alone all of a sudden.

I've been reflecting. What wrongs have I done. And i noe at times I've said things I shouldn't have said, and I'm very sorry bout it, but words juz suddenly came out of my mouth... Cuz my intention is realli to juz reply. I'm fragile, I cant take harsh words like they're juz meant to be a casual remark. A slight tone and behaviour can get me suspicious and it easily affects my mood and thoughts. I noe i'm too sensitive, but if my suspicion happens most of the times amongst my frens, tell me how can i not believe in my inference...

So much for the J1 level camp. So much for the barbeque we had together. I thought it's all goin to be fun in JC, makes me enjoy JC life everyday (I still do, still like being wif u guys, though alone, but at least u all were there physically). Now, it's starting to make me miss my secondary schoolmates so much... And all my 1st 3 months frens I've made... U all seem so far away... I'm all alone...